Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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