yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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