Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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