after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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