All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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