me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize