Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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