try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
