Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
