I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
