# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
