Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
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Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize