I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
