The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
