YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
