so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize