Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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