We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
this just has baby written all over it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
