it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
