God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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