1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
