I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize