I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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