we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
