What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
