Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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