you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
