I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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