Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
