Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
