Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
