i think i have herpe
just one?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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