You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
