I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize