I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
