Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
