he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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