yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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