If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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