Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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