You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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