I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
where are you?
Hypothermia
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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