the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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