So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
