I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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