hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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