That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Randomize
