she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is Oprah even human
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
