I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
