i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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