so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
