and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
