I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
