Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
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So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am naked and annoyed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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