Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sorry about my life...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
